I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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