i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Let's get the cat blown out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
