What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
