I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
