im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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