I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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