i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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