He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
