Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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