Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
