I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
