I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
