I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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