i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
