and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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