I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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