someone get that fucking seahorse.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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