If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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