loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
