See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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