I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
