i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My penis needs a shock collar
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
