im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
