Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
