just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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