can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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