just tell him i said nine months
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
