Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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