I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
