He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
