we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
