So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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