Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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