My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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