Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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