He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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