So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
