Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
