She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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