Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
