i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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