Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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