Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
