she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
