Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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