I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
