New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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