My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
