R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
