OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
