Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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